Monday, June 11, 2012

Mechanics on Monday...Conquering Doubt: by Natalie Charles

Shoo, doubt crows!

Does a blog post on managing self-doubt fall under the writing mechanics rubric? Doubt can wreak havoc on productivity, influence decisions, and sometimes paralyze a writer altogether. If mechanics are the tools in our writing toolbox, then we want a tool at our disposal to assail self-doubt. At least, I do. So I’m calling it a mechanics issue.

I learned a little bit about doubt when training for my first marathon. Running wasn’t something I especially excelled at, but I decided I wanted to run a marathon because…well, why not? I read several books on the process (as you do when you intellectualize everything) and then I began training. Here’s what I discovered.

There’s a part of our brain that tells us that exercise is too hard, five in the morning is too early, or that hill in front of us is too big. The conservative, practical left side of our brain is programmed to make us lazy. When we’re running, it’s that voice that says, “Hey, slow down there, rock star. Let’s walk a minute or two.” It’s a built-in buzz kill, and it’s there because from an evolutionary standpoint, it makes sense for hunters and gatherers to trend toward laziness. The answer in running is to discipline yourself to ignore this voice because it will lie to you. It will tell you that you're tired and hurt when you're not.

Fine.

Unfortunately that same voice urges us toward moderation when we’re faced with any kind of hard work, such as writing. When we’re stuck on a plot problem, it’s the voice that says, “You’re too stupid to make this work. You should just stop,” or, “Wow, you really screwed up this book, didn’t you? No one’s going to buy it/read it/publish it/like it now.” My voice tells me to do something less mentally challenging, like watch television, or knit, or read, or bake…my lazy brain is full of helpful suggestions. This voice is doubt.

Doubt isn’t necessarily about perceiving looming failure. It’s often about perceiving hard work. It distorts our capabilities, telling us that we can’t do something when we may be doing it just fine. That’s important to remember. Doubt is our inner couch potato. For me, this explains why I feel self-doubt kick in the second I receive a request for revisions, or when I'm writing the first three chapters of a new book. I envy anyone who can calmly take on those stages because revisions and beginnings are hard.

Doubt feeds on fear the same way a parasite feeds on blood. It’s a pernicious little bastard who happens to intimately know all of our worst fears, and it uses them against us to get its lazy way. It’s like you’ve hired Stephen King to write thrillers based on the contents of the dusty boxes in your mental attic. Remember that fourth grade teacher who told you that you needed to work on your grammar? Or that time you got a “C” on a piece of writing you cared about? Thought you’d buried that bit of info, didn’t you?

For example, I had a high school track coach who once told me that based on my body mechanics, I would hurt myself if I ran long distances. I’m pretty sure that he made it up because he needed someone to throw discus and javelin, but when the long runs in my marathon training got tough, those words were there to haunt me. What if I hurt myself permanently, the way he said I would? Maybe I need to walk for a few minutes... I’ve since trained for and completed two marathons without hurting myself. See? Doubt is not reality.

If doubt needs fear to live, then to control doubt, we need to starve it. I try to do this by confronting my fears. Most thrillers hide the identity of the bad guy until the very end of the story because the hidden is frightening. When you expose something to the light, you reduce its power over you. Same thing with fear.

One of my favorite mystery writers, Lawrence Block, wrote about dealing with fears in Write for Your Life. In it, he suggests confessing your fears to someone before you write. This is an exercise I have done many, many times since I read that. When I’m having a Day, I sit down alone (I don’t usually have a partner available, alas!) and I verbalize my fears softly to myself or write them down. Once I confess that I'm afraid of failure (or bad reviews, or harsh feedback, etc.) I feel more equipped to move ahead. When the doubt crows begin, I understand that I don't really think I'm a talentless hack, but I'm a little afraid of failure. Confronting the fear that feeds my doubt helps me to put it in perspective. 

This is not to say that doubt doesn’t ever play a valuable role, but there’s a difference between the “I don’t think my heroine is sympathetic” doubt and the “I’m a complete fraud” doubt. The first is our artistic sense and the second is our lazy brain. The first is worth paying attention to.

It’s empowering to acknowledge our fears. It’s downright brave to acknowledge our fears and to then move confidently forward. We own our doubt. We do it to ourselves, and we can do better than ignore it. We can control it. Write bravely, friends.


When does your doubt kick in, and how do you control it?

22 comments:

  1. Great post!

    My doubt kicks in whenever I sit down to write, although as soon as I start to write, it reduces somewhat. It's the getting started that can be the problem sometimes :)

    I've tried the writing down my fears thing before, although I hadn't realised it was an actual technique! It was more about getting all the junk in my head *out* so I had space left be creative :)

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    1. Thanks for stopping by, Leah! Junk is the right word for all of the stuff bouncing around in our heads. And YES -- starting is difficult for me, too! I often feel like my stories are just perfect...until I actually sit down and face that blank screen. :-)

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  2. It's a constant battle, isn't it. For me, it's worst halfway through a story where I feel I've done tons but the end isn't in sight and I'm floundering. Planning helps a bit, but mainly it's just gritting teeth and getting the words down. Great post!

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    1. Hi Charlotte! Ugh, saggy middles. Don't get me started! I'm facing one now and it feels like I'm knee-deep in molasses as I head toward the black moment. I couldn't agree more about pushing through and getting the words down. I tell myself that I can't edit a blank page. :-)

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  3. Great post, Natalie! Especially for a Monday morning, when the weekly to-do list is so daunting. Doubt applies to so many areas of our lives. I face doubt whenever I want to try something new. I keep asking myself why I'd want to try something new if the status quo is working. But it's so important not to let doubt be the reason we don't try and get out of our comfort zone! :-)

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    1. I couldn't agree more, Victoria. The "new" can be frightening, and it can stop us from taking on a lot of experiences. I shudder to think about how many stories I haven't even attempted to write because I was plagued by self-doubt. It's so true. :-)

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  4. Great post, Natalie! I think no matter what stage we are at in the process, there is always room for doubt and fear. My fears are the beginning - so much room for starting things down the wrong path - and, of course, disappointment... disappointing others, but mostly disappointing myself. Sometimes a specific scene is just hard to write, and trudging through "usually" leads to feelings of relief afterward, with "most" doubts faded... Maybe this comes back to that theory about us actually fearing hard work:-)

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    1. What's so difficult about the opening chapters? I mean, you're only setting up an ENTIRE NOVEL! You know I feel your pain, Olivia. Yes, sometimes the only way to beat doubt is to roll up your sleeves and do the work. I often find myself reading great books and assuming that the writer didn't have nearly as difficult a time as I do, but this isn't a fair assumption and it only feeds my self doubt. As far as I know, doubt and struggle are universal among writers. :-)

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  5. Great post. Quite often it's the 12-14k mark for me is when things start to go badly wrong. I've started the novel with enthusiasm and flying high on the wonderful feeling of a new story idea. Then I hit a brick wall. I can't go through it, over it or round it. This is usually the point where I have to start seriously thinking about where I want the story to go and when you stop to think, you can over think. And that's my weakness that the doubt crows are looking for. I am now armed with a catapult to get rid of those pesky crows. I just have to improve my aim. Congratulations on running two marathons!

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    1. Thank you so much, Alexandra! Ah, you can come sit next to me on the over-thinkers bench. That can be terrible for doubt. Something that helps me to not over-think is to force myself to write quickly and without judging my words (to the extent that's possible). Free writing has done wonders when I've gotten stuck. You can do it! And thanks for the congrats on the marathons. I can honestly say that running a marathon is easy compared to writing a novel: the path is clear and all you have to do is put one foot in front of the other. :-)

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  6. Great post! And congrats on finishing 2 marathons. I know those take a lot of determination and hard work. I'm glad you didn't let the 'doubt' win.

    For me doubt dogs my steps through the tough beginning (trying to get ALL of the details in there without losing pace) clear through to almost the end of the first draft. I'm certain that everything I've wrote up until that point is drivel. LOL. By the end though I can see the story threads starting to pull together and then the doubt subsides and I think that with some editing/polishing it might not be so bad. *G*

    I've never tried talking through my fears/doubts. I usually just banish them to the back of my mind while I write down a sentence. And when it isn't so bad. I write a couple more. And once I've decided that they have some merit, I'm usually on a roll with a scene and the doubt slips away. Thankfully. At least until the next day. *G*

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    1. Hugs, Jennifer! It's hard to see the value in your own writing when you're so close, isn't it? Plowing through and building your book word by word, sentence by sentence, and witholding judgment until the end is sage advice. Rewriting is where the real magic happens, anyway. :-)

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  7. Great post Natalie. The lazy part of my brain rears its ugly head often. I mostly boot it to the curb, but there's those days when it wins out. :o)
    x

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  8. Thank you, Aimee! Yeah, sometimes you just need a break. A little laziness can go a long way for creative breakthroughs. :-)

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  9. I think this was a great topic choice for a post, Natalie. Self-doubt is so horribly crushing, but unfortunately seems to come with the job. It's so interesting to see how it affects us all at different times of the process too. For me it's submissions. I can write and write and write and get so absorbed that I don't bother to look up to see whether the doubt crows are circling. Then the minute I decide to submit something, they're perching on my computer, desk, windowsill, shoulder - you name it. It's definitely the hardest part of the process for me. Hugs xx

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    1. Oh yes. Hitting that "submit" button gets me all knotted up inside, too. It's a whole different game when your writing is put out for judgment. Hugs. :-)

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  10. Great post, Natalie. And, unfortunately for writers, it's easier to find negative reinforcement than positive. There's always someone willing to tell you what's wrong with your writing!

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    1. SO true, Sherri! And I'm not sure why that is. I find that I'm so used to picking apart my own writing that I don't know what I'm doing right, and it's valuable to know that side of things, too.

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  11. A great post. I'll use some of these techniques. When I got a request from M&B I didn't write at all for 2 days. The first day was because I was too excited. The second because I was downright petrified. Going to make a permanent link to this article as a pep talk for the future.

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  12. Thank you so much, Jo! I can relate to your experience in many ways. I hope that some of these techniques can help you to get through exciting/terrifying times in the future--isn't it funny how they so often go hand-in-hand? Best of luck!

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  13. Hi great post Natalie

    I like your doubt ridding technique. I think sometimes you have to think of doubt as a positive. It can strengthen you as it shows that what you are doing is important and worth trying hard for.
    Before I have a doubt meltdown I always remind myself that nothing horrendous will happen to me and it's far better to doubt than regret.

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  14. Really, really great point, Tracey. I love the idea of evaluating the pain of self-doubt against the pain of regret. Thank you so much for sharing your perspective!

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