Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Real Life vs. Romancelandia: Why We Read/Write Romance by Olivia Miles

I recently stumbled across an interesting article that linked reading romance novels with the breakdown of marriages, claiming that the romantic fantasy these books provide can prompt feelings of dissatisfaction within our real lives and relationships. I would respectfully disagree with this argument, but it led me to wonder just why we read (or write) romance. Do we read it for escape? Entertainment? Emotional satisfaction? Or all three?

Personally, I read and write romance for the combination of escapism, entertainment, and emotional fulfillment. Let’s face it, as a married woman with a small child, two dogs, and the recent experience of a weekend getaway that ended with my husband and I passed out on top of the bed in a well-lit room, fully clothed, while a marathon of Roseanne blared until six the next morning when we were programmed to wake, the courtship phase of my life is behind me and responsibilities abound. It’s fun to read about lavish yachts and faraway palaces and to imagine a life far more grand than my own. In my regular life, there are no exotic vacations or parties or sprawling cliff side mansions, no millionaires sweeping into town to whisk me off my feet. Even in small-town romances, which might lack some of the glitz and dazzle, there is a certain level of fantasy and charm that isn’t always present in our ordinary lives. The dates are more creative, the food more delicious, the people more attractive, the backdrop prettier; in a nutshell, life is somewhat idealized in Romancelandia. And why shouldn’t it be? It’s exciting to read about glamorous lifestyles and settings, and it’s enjoyable to watch two people fall in love, despite the hurdles thrown at them along the way. 

But does this finely tuned fantasy leave you feeling that your own life is blah in comparison? Romance, in general, is uplifting; by definition, these books guarantee a happy ending. I don’t turn from the computer or book in my lap, look around at my own life and sigh, thinking of how different it could all be, feeling bitter and angry that I didn’t end up with a billionaire husband and a multi-million-dollar penthouse. Rather, I close the book with a smile and go about my day feeling a little lighter. I suppose I could read a deeply depressing book instead, and think of how wonderful my life is in comparison, but again, I don’t gauge my own fulfillment with the lives of characters in books--regardless of the book in hand, I take the experience as something separate from my own.  I’m sure the characters in these books have piles of laundry and trips to the store, and endless other “real life” responsibilities, but I really don’t need or want to be bogged down with these details. There’s a division of fact and fiction, and I appreciate the opportunity to escape for a few hours each day.

This is not to say, however, that I only enjoy reading and writing about the wonderful things that happen to characters. Quite the opposite, in fact. As a reader, I love connecting with characters on a deeper level, witnessing their struggles, and watching them overcome their obstacles. As a writer, I recently finished a WIP which included a character going through a very difficult and sad experience. It was raw, it was painful, but it was ultimately resolved. I received mixed feedback from beta readers--some thought it was too much, others thought it fit perfectly. For me, I felt strongly about including this storyline for the emotional connection to the characters, though it might have veered too close to real life problems and too far from the fantasy of romance. I’m still thinking about that one, but it all makes me wonder just why we read romance. When we pick up a book, what experience are we looking for?  

So tell me, why do YOU read (or write) romance?

24 comments:

  1. Haha, your comment about going away for the weekend made me chuckle. Oh so true! I like to read (and write) romance pretty much for all of the same reasons you mentioned. Reality is so full on and sometimes its nice to just escape to somewhere else and indulge in the glamorous life lived by our characters. Great post!

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    1. Thanks for stopping by, Samantha! I couldn't agree more that it's nice to indulge at times - whether it be through a vacation, a great movie, or a great book:-)Eventually you get back to reality, but there's no harm in escaping now and then! And sometimes you just need it!

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  2. Great post! Why do I read/write romance? Hmm...you know I never really thought about it as I've been doing it for so long. And I couldn't stop now if I tried. LOL.

    I think part of it is that life for the most part is pretty routine. You wake up, get ready to face the day, do your job, clean the house, make the food, and unwind before you go to bed and start again. But in romances it's different. It's definitely not routine. There's surprises, action, and lots of romance that can get put by the wayside in real life.

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    1. I never really thought about it until recently either! But once I did, I was curious to see what everyone else thought:-) Thanks so much for sharing!

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  3. Great post! And I too read and write for all of the above reasons. Why not have an escape from a reality that doesn't involve sorting socks and washing dishes? Sure on a rare occasion alpha hero might be washing dishes in a story - but he's bare chested showing off his perfect drool worthy bod. There's nothing better than reading a story that makes you gasp and leaves you with a smile. Makes sorting those reality socks a whole lot easier :)

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    1. LOL. Thanks for that delicious image, Tracey! See, THIS is why we all need a little dose of romance now and then. Off I go to load the dishwasher...:-) Thanks for stopping by!

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  4. Good question!
    I suppose I like the happily-ever-afters that are guaranteed. Life is tough enough--a little fun and fantasy is nice entertainment and change of pace.

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    1. A little fun and a little fantasy certainly goes a long way:-)

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  5. Hi Olivia
    I read romance to escape and to capture that perfect time in any relationship when you feel that anything is possible. I write romance for these reasons too but also because I feel compelled to do so. Writing and creating lives for my characters frees my mind and allows me to sleep at night. So relaxation is another key reason for writing. Great post really enjoyed it.

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    1. Romance books do give one hope, don't they? I'm with you on finding relaxation through writing--if I couldn't express myself through words on paper, my mind would certainly overflow:-) Thanks for stopping by!

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  6. I love the fantasy of it all! The back cover blurb sells a book to me, I have quite enough reality as it is, thank you real world,I want to escape it all in a good romance. But it might be fun to have a billionaire sorting socks and putting out the bins some time ... I might have to try it! :0)

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    1. A billionaire sorting socks would be divine! Or maybe silk stockings....hmmm:-)

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  7. I enjoyed reading the post. Didn't skip a single word of it.
    I like the happy ending of romance novels. That's what keeps me reading and writing them. There is no shocker at the end and I like that. Boy and girl end up happily ever after (where the after takes them we don't know and we don't care) There are too many shockers in life.

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    1. Thanks so much for the kind words:-) I also love the guaranteed happy ending in romance. No matter what the characters go through, it's comforting knowing in the end, they are going to be alright. Or even better than alright:-)

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  8. Great post, Olivia!! I read and write Romance for the HEA as well as the escapism. I like to know that there are people out there who, even though have had to face some horrible trials, will get their HEA. Often when I watch the news I'm left wondering how victims of crimes are able to rebuild their lives. We are bombarded by so much negativity and really sad stories that I really want to believe in HEA-and I know in Romance they exist.
    Great question :-)

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    1. I'm with you, Victoria! I am basically repeating my comment from above, but it's always nice to know once you've invested in a character that they are going to be alright when you finally leave them.

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  9. This was a thoughtful post -- thank you for raising these questions, because they made me think. I write romance because a) my DH suggested it and b) I thoroughly enjoy the relationships with my characters as they do what they must -- not always as I wish! -- in the story

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    1. Thanks for the feedback, Marcie :-) I also enjoy the relationships with my characters and many feel like old friends by now. It's really special, isn't it?

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  10. Great post, Olivia! I read romance for the escape and to be entertained. When I pick up a romance, I want to get lost in a story that I know will end up happily. I've read plenty of sad books. I read romance when I want to feel hopeful. So far, I don't think it's had any ill effects on my marriage. ;-)

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    1. I'm with you, Natalie! There's nothing quite like the certainty of a happy ending to keep you feeling hopeful throughout the story:-)

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  11. Definitely as an escape from real life. An escape from the teetering ironing pile, the never ending washing, the full sink, the chauffeuring of kids here and there. When I pick up a romance I get to step into (as you said in your post) a prettier place where I know the heroes socks don't stink and he doesn't leave them on the bathroom/bedroom floor :)

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    1. Hey Catherine! You know what else is a great escape from the ironing pile? Wrinkle release spray! :-) But oh, yes, if only could take a real live vacation to Romancelandia here and there. Thank goodness for imaginations! :-)

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  12. My favorite romantic series is The Black Dagger Brotherhood WOO!

    Love your blog.

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    1. I'm so pleased you love the blog! Thanks so much for sharing:-)

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